[Artemisia] lighten up...

[Dr. C. M. Helm-Clark]

It doesn't matter what time it is, Maire - I don't have to go to work 
tomorrow...(well, technically, later this morning...)  ;-)

I have determined that we need to lighten up a bit.  I have this 
evening actually pulled muscles for real from coughing too much after 
somebody's well timed humor on this list.  There really is no need to 
embarrass and humiliate this individual any further now, but for those 
of you who are curious, his initials are Conrad von Z:

"now THIS is the SCA I was HOPING to join"

All I have to left to say is: OW!  I now hurt a whole lot and have a 
need to take my revenge.  Your only protection is to stop reading now. 
As the following has only previously circulated among a small but 
select number of victims, like Maire, I am now posting it in the Aerie 
in order to spread a maximum of damage and will be well gratified 
tomorrow morning (well, technically, later this morning) to count the 
number of folks who now also share my pulled-muscles...  (Most typos 
are intentional and please do not cross-post this without asking first 
- thanks)

avengingly yours,
Therasia


Sage Copy:
Barbarian Blow-out Slave Auction and Pas d'Armes
Shire of Lunecorne Hafn
February 30, 2004
Cerro Vista, NV

It's time again for Lunecorne Havn'ss annual warlord tourney and 
baronial business meeting.  The theme this year is the Brightest of the 
Dark Ages, so polish up all those Roman Legionaire, Magyar and 
Alvaromid personas to parade about.  In keeping with our theme, the 
format for this year's warlord touney is a barbarian Pas d'Armes.  All 
fights will be at the barrier warlord-style, where every person or team 
who has been eliminated from the lists will accrue to the team of the 
person who defeated them.  There will be a grand melee at the barrier 
between every round, so even those who have washed up will have plenty 
of fighting.  Each round will use a different Pas d'Armes weapon in the 
style of 15th century German "Feats of Arms."  Weapons forms will be 
great sword, great axe, great spear, punch-maul, single sword and 
dagger.  Rebatements will be allowed on daggers.  If/when we run out of 
weapons forms after seven  rounds, the above list will be repeated 
until a clear victor  emerges.

Our feast will be a fabulous assortment of Dark Ages foods, including 
Mongolian saddle-tenderized horse meat stew (with carrots and "spud 
larva" (tater tots)), almond chicken baked in tomato puree, Viking 
salmon cakes with period ranch dressing, and middle-eastern 
pineapple-peanut pan thai noodles.  The site is free but on the 
condition that we do not bring in our own  alcohol but use their cash 
bar instead.  Drinks will be free to anyone who wins more than $100 in 
the Casino. When we're done stuffing our faces, there will be dancing 
led by Lady Tangltwtapyn de Pseudonominae to the delicate sound of the 
dombec.  Master Schmertenzug will not be able to come to provide live 
music, but he has given Vicountess Tangltwtapyn a tape of dance music 
including the ever-popular Hole in the Wall.

The site is not charging us for anything, so long as we use their cash 
bar and circulate in garb in the Casino one during Saturday afternoon 
and once Saturday evening.  Only period-style pavilions are allowed "on 
the eric."  The site does not allow tent stakes in their wood parquet 
floors, so bring an alternative way to set up your tent. Our chirurgeon 
wishes to remind everyone that the UV from the fluorescent lights at 
the event site are not good for the eyes so please remember to bring 
lots of calomine lotion and UV-blocking sunglasses (not allowed inside 
helmets).  Since the event is being held on the West kingdom side of 
the border, West kingdom fire rules will apply and be in force - 
portable fire pits are allowed.

The site this year is the convention center at the Gold Pan Casino just 
across the state line, complete with 12 foot ceilings in Conference 
Room B where we will hold the Pas.  This is a site change from what was 
advertised last month in the kingdom newsletter.  The feast will still 
be held on our side of the state line at the St. Jude's parish 
parochial school cafeteria in Oleo.

Directions: take your best root to Cerro Vista.  Once on Hwy 216, the 
Gold Pan will be on your right.  Directions to St. Jude's and site maps 
can be downloaded from www.rocks4brains.com.  Free beta-test version 
GPS software can be downloaded from this site so you can watch your 
progress driving to the event in real time in your car on your 
NMEA-protocol Bluetooth-enabled wireless computer (only the OS2/Warp 
version is available at this time).  Feastocrat, Rhys ap Owen ap Howell 
ap Rhys von Neustadt, 888-555-1212, email barbarianbas AT rocks4brains 
DOT com.  (c. 4/3/04, by C. M. Helm-Clark)