[Artemisia] Another April 1 spoof for Mr. Roger's fans

[Jeanne P / Casamira]

 King Friday, Ruler of Make Believe, Found Dead By M. McFEELEY Published:
April 1, 2007
 Friday XIII, the often fatherly though occasionally iron-fisted monarch who
ruled the Land of Make Believe for 39 years, has died at the age of 79 after
a lengthy illness, the Land of Make Believe's Ministry of Information
announced Saturday. Friday's death, while not unexpected, is certain to
touch off a struggle over succession in the fractious European
kingdom.

The heir to the throne, Prince Tuesday, has lived in exile ever since
clashing with his father during the infamous Make Believe Spring of 1982,
when dissident leader X the Owl was assassinated on the steps of the Museum
Go-Round. Friday, who had no other heirs, had appointed Lady Elaine
Fairchilde regent in the prince's absence.
"I loved my father very much, but I love my homeland more," Tuesday said
from outside the Central Park West apartment he has shared with life partner
Daniel Striped Tiger since 1990. "And I shall return to the Land of Make
Believe to claim the crown that is due me."
Fairchilde doesn't appear ready to yield the throne just yet. "Listen,
toots, the last time I looked, it was me helping the King run this land, not
Prince Goody Twoshoes."
The citizens of Make Believe, a small principality on the border between
France and Germany, seem resigned to this latest controversy in a land where
turmoil and upheaval are as commonplace as the trolleys that travel up and
down the city's cobblestone streets.
"Meow meow meow meow meow crown," Make Believe homemaker Henrietta Pussycat
said outside her small home. "Meow meow meow meow meow meow certain
bloodbath."
The potential dispute over who will sit on the throne of Make Believe could
overshadow the death of Friday — an inconceivable thought to anyone familiar
with his long and controversial rule. It was Friday, after all, who took
this once-sleepy land and turned it, through a policy combining sharing,
friendliness, and conquest, into a European power.
*A Troubled Reign*
Friday XIII assumed the throne under mysterious circumstances, when his
predecessor, Friday XII, was found dead by ear poisoning. This new king took
over a backward land, whose primary exports included sweaters, fish tanks,
and comfortable shoes.
Friday XIII soon changed that, by invading Someplace Else, a country just
East of the Land of Make Believe. That gave Friday a conscripted workforce
to labor in the factory owned by Make Believe industrialist Cornflake S.
Pecially. Friday's subsequent efforts to annex Poland were thwarted by NATO,
but the message was clear — there was a new player on the world stage.
Friday was known for his simple homilies and violent rages. Dr. Bill
Platypus, a Land of Make Believe physician, recalls a time in 1978 when
Friday delivered an impassioned three-hour speech on state TV about the
dangers of hurting other people's feelings. When the speech was concluded,
Friday ordered the public executions of the worst offenders.
"He certainly knew how to get your attention," said Dr. Platypus, who fled
to Cuba in 1987.
Perhaps Friday's most infamous act was the Make Believe Spring of 1982, when
factory workers, led by the charismatic X the Owl, struck for better wages
and shorter hours. After Owl's mysterious death — which some Make Believe
watchers accuse Fairchilde of master-minding — Friday put down the workers'
rebellion by ordering troops to fire upon picket lines.
"Meow meow meow meow meow meow heartbreaking," Ms. Pussycat recalls. "Meow
meow meow meow meow meow no survivors."
*A Controversial Ally*
Despite the excesses of his reign, Friday could usually count on the staunch
support of the United States, thanks to his hardline stand against
communism. In 1999, then-President Josiah Bartlet praised Friday as a
"supporter of freedom and a friend of democracy" during a White House
ceremony. The ceremony came two days before Friday seized control of Make
Believe's newspapers, accusing journalists of "not being nice to others."
However, Friday didn't enjoy widespread support within the U.S. The State
Department's Counter Terrorism Unit believed Friday may have played a role
in the plot to assassinate presidential candidate David Palmer.
"They wanted us to believe it was some crazed Croatian," a CTU insider said.
"But that's just one of the many improbable things we've been asked to
believe."
Friday's funeral is scheduled for this Friday. He is survived by his wife,
Queen Saturday, who will address the nation next Saturday.


-- 
Jeanne Panlener / Baroness Casamira Jawjalny, O.L., O.P.
The Pun is mightier than the Sword!