[Artemisia] Our most recent research on unique Artemisian phenomenon

[Sue Clemenger]

Good drugs, tonight, Tux? >:-P
I had a pun tax placed on me (25 cents an incident, IIRC) by the first
Baroness Sentinels' Keep (Cet), and that was before I think I even knew Cas,
so either the influence of that wiley woman extended beyond mortal ken, or
the whole phenomenon is more of an oval shape, with two locii.....(what is
that? an ellipse?)
I propose, Cas, that since your persona is of Eastern European origin, and
mine is from a certain small green island with a penchant for names that
somehow involve gargling, that we come up with a Stoopid Peers' Trick Road
Review and Pun Show....
We can call ourselves....
---wait for it---
---keep waiting---
"Spit and Polish."......
--maire, smugly safe in the sanctuary Rock on the SCA Cooks' List.....

----- Original Message -----
From: "Cat" <no1home at onewest.net>
To: <artemisia at lists.gallowglass.org>
Sent: Saturday, June 17, 2006 8:49 PM
Subject: [Artemisia] Our most recent research on unique Artemisian
phenomenon


> Ave!
>
> I know many of you are aware of the years'-long research that El
> Hermoso Dormiendo and I have conducted on the nature of the Casamira
> Effect, that strange phenomenon where the incidence and/or frequency
> of punning increases as one approaches the locus of Artemisian
> punning, Baroness Casamira.  Certainly, many of the northern
> residents of Artemisia already know about the area of influence of
> the Casamira Effect, which appears to be first measurable 24 leagues
> north (or 576 Furlongs in the English System of King Edward I) of
> Castle Jawjalny when the Baroness herself is in residence.  Once
> across the threshold, pun intensity increases as one approaches the
> locus of Artemisian punning.  On the northern approach to the Barony
> of Loch Salaan, while traveling along the King's Highway, careful
> measurements show that the Casamira Effect increases by 1 over the
> square root of 2 times the quantity of the measurement threshold
> distance minus the distance to Castle Jawjalny.
>
> If we left our research at this point without more data, our results
> would indeed be puny.  Careful observation has established, however,
> that the Effect is not a regular shape.  The Casamira Effect is first
> measurable 24 leagues to the north of its default locus (defined
> henceforth as Castle Jawjalny when the Baroness is in residence), but
> the threshold of measurement is 15 leagues if one approaches from the
> south along the King's Highway, only 10 leagues if one approaches
> from the west along the Trade Road through the Cynaguan Desert and 12
> leagues if one approaches from the East on the Pennsic Road.
>
> We have a new set of observations to present to you.  We have
> observed that the shape defined by the punning threshold distance of
> the Casamira Effect indeed changes when the Baroness is in transit
> and that it does not maintain the shape observed for the default
> locus - a phenomenon that has really been bugging us though it has
> not been plaguing us to the point of sickness, we are happy to
> reposte.  After careful measurements made around the transitory locus
> of Artemisian punning, defined here as the position of Baroness
> Casamira in transit (sic transit gloria pundi), we have developed a
> new working hypothesis - to wit, that the transitory locus is
> influenced by water.
>
> We are not all washed up here.  This hypothesis indeed floats,
> especially since we can show that the boundary conditions represented
> by the default locus satisfy the most-recent Casamira Effect equation
> postulated by Pundit et al. in AS XXXX.  In fact, we didn't realize
> that the influence of water was a universal effect until we collected
> enough data to make these observations, implying that the default
> locus of punning is not a case of special punditivity but is rather a
> special case of general punditivity
>
> For the default locus, we can clearly see that there is a first order
> correlation between surface waters and the Casamira effect.  The
> default locus threshold distance to the north is strongly tied to the
> northern extent of the Great Brine Shrimp Lake.  To the south, it
> correlates with the southern terminus of the large freshwater lake
> immediately to the west of the Shire of Arrows' Flight.  To the east,
> the default Casamira Effect correlates to the water course in the
> canyon between the western border of Otherhill and Loch Salaan
> proper.  The smallest default threshold distance to the west
> correlates to place where the Great Brine Shrimp Lake ends and the
> desert begins along the Trade Road to Cynagua.
>
> Our newest measurement of the default locus threshold distance, 37
> leagues measured along the road between Gryphon's Lair and Twae
> Linnes, correlates to where the marsh north of the Great Brine Shrimp
> Lake ends and the southern foothills of the Barony of One Thousand
> Eyes begin.  Ergo, the default locus threshold distances for the
> Casamira Effect satisfy the water-influence boundary conditions
> swimmingly.
>
> Our new observations of the Casamira Effect for when the punning
> locus is in transit demonstrate that the water influence indeed
> scales.  The new working hypothesis also sinks the previous
> hypothesis, i.e. that the Casamira Effect is influenced by the
> proximity of foods prepared in a Medieval manner.  There was always
> something fishy about the Medieval Food hypothesis, which now turns
> out to be a red herring.
>
> Though we have made measurements of the Casamira Effect throughout
> the kingdom, we only have room here to present one example. At
> Uprising XX, we found that the Casamira Effect was stronger when it
> was raining.  We also observed that the threshold distances were
> almost negligible to the north and south but were quite large 25
> leagues west of Uprising, where the King's Highway is next to the
> Serpent River, and 17 leagues east of Uprising along the Serpent
> River on the road to Otherhill.  More than anything else, the
> shipwreck of the Medieval Food hypothesis is most obvious here since
> the old theory would have rowed out much larger threshold distances
> to the north and south where none were observed.
>
> The influence of water on the Casamira Effect is inarguable.  The
> data speaks for itself.  The water influence, however, doesn't
> explain the occasionally-observed time decay of the Casamira Effect,
> which can be up to 500 millifortnights.  We believe this phenomenon
> can be explained if the Casamira Effect is time dependent where the
> relationship between puns and time can be expressed by a non-linear
> differential punquation whose solution shows that puns occur as
> discrete quanta - not be confused with the merchant organization that
> ships goods and passengers between the West, Caid and Lochac.
>
> When we study the Casamira Effect in a crowd chamber (e.g., in the
> Grand Pavilion before court at Uprising), our observations suggest
> that when a pun occurs, the Casamira Effect waveform collapses to a
> punicle.  Whether the Casamira Effect behaves like a waveform or a
> punicle is dictated by the VonTuxenberg Uncertainty Principle, i.e.,
> if you know the frequency of punning, you can not predict the
> location of Baroness Casamira, but if you do know the location of
> Baroness Casamira, then you can't predict the rate of punicle
> emission or pun frequency.  We have also observed that there appear
> to be three different forms of punicles: snicker, snort and groan.
> (We wish to point out that the groaning punicle should not be
> confused with the particle known as the pineapple-upside down quirk
> which was recently discovered in the Barony of Western Seas where
> someone sitting on a pineapple was said to be on the dole...)
>
> This is really exciting, cutting-edge research - but no matter how
> you slice it, we will have to cut down on our research without your
> generous contributions.  Further Casamira Effect research will be
> butchered without your help.  This is why we ask you for your
> largesse when we present this year's fund-raising puntathalon, hosted
> by Hotmooch Braden.
>
> At the risk of being blazon, we are well aware that current economic
> conditions for pursuivants are especially severe this year.  We
> really don't want any members of the College of Arms to go out on a
> limb for us - so with respect to donating, we will understand if
> heralds cant.
>
> Vat.
>
> Submitted on June 17, AS XXXXI
> by Therasia von Tux,
> Doctor of Natural Philosophy