[Artemisia] Our most recent research on unique Artemisian phenomenon

[lady petronilla]

Does it hurt when you think like that?
  Pet

Bradley Wolf <idahobrad at cableone.net> wrote:
  So, to sum this up,
The Theory of Punditivity:
P=d(sea)^2 (Punditivity is equal to the distance times the water body
locale squared)

This, of course, is different than the Theory of Musical Relativity, E=F
flat.

Then of course there's the theory of Braden von Komichen Hautes (Braden of
the funny hats) also known as tBvKH (sounds Yiddish when you say it that
way...)

H (hat couture) = m (millinery constant) x [c (that's the longest distance
around the hat, up or around)]^2
H=mc^2

...and let's not forget the Timmur Theory of audible feedback

T=nw*P^2 where the Timmurability of an audience is equal to the # of words
spoken times the square of the number of people present. CIP, at Uprising
Timmur only said 2 words during court Friday, but because it was such a
large audience the Timmurability was very high.

And finally, the Herald's Equation:

R=1/(L*Vs^2) where the Right pronunciation of a given name is equal to the
inverse of the Length of the name times the square of the number of Vowels
and silent consonants in it.

-Braden

-----Original Message-----
From: artemisia-bounces at lists.gallowglass.org
[mailto:artemisia-bounces at lists.gallowglass.org]On Behalf Of Cat
Sent: Saturday, June 17, 2006 8:50 PM
To: artemisia at lists.gallowglass.org
Subject: [Artemisia] Our most recent research on unique Artemisian
phenomenon


Ave!

I know many of you are aware of the years'-long research that El
Hermoso Dormiendo and I have conducted on the nature of the Casamira
Effect, that strange phenomenon where the incidence and/or frequency
of punning increases as one approaches the locus of Artemisian
punning, Baroness Casamira. Certainly, many of the northern
residents of Artemisia already know about the area of influence of
the Casamira Effect, which appears to be first measurable 24 leagues
north (or 576 Furlongs in the English System of King Edward I) of
Castle Jawjalny when the Baroness herself is in residence. Once
across the threshold, pun intensity increases as one approaches the
locus of Artemisian punning. On the northern approach to the Barony
of Loch Salaan, while traveling along the King's Highway, careful
measurements show that the Casamira Effect increases by 1 over the
square root of 2 times the quantity of the measurement threshold
distance minus the distance to Castle Jawjalny.

If we left our research at this point without more data, our results
would indeed be puny. Careful observation has established, however,
that the Effect is not a regular shape. The Casamira Effect is first
measurable 24 leagues to the north of its default locus (defined
henceforth as Castle Jawjalny when the Baroness is in residence), but
the threshold of measurement is 15 leagues if one approaches from the
south along the King's Highway, only 10 leagues if one approaches
from the west along the Trade Road through the Cynaguan Desert and 12
leagues if one approaches from the East on the Pennsic Road.

We have a new set of observations to present to you. We have
observed that the shape defined by the punning threshold distance of
the Casamira Effect indeed changes when the Baroness is in transit
and that it does not maintain the shape observed for the default
locus - a phenomenon that has really been bugging us though it has
not been plaguing us to the point of sickness, we are happy to
reposte. After careful measurements made around the transitory locus
of Artemisian punning, defined here as the position of Baroness
Casamira in transit (sic transit gloria pundi), we have developed a
new working hypothesis - to wit, that the transitory locus is
influenced by water.

We are not all washed up here. This hypothesis indeed floats,
especially since we can show that the boundary conditions represented
by the default locus satisfy the most-recent Casamira Effect equation
postulated by Pundit et al. in AS XXXX. In fact, we didn't realize
that the influence of water was a universal effect until we collected
enough data to make these observations, implying that the default
locus of punning is not a case of special punditivity but is rather a
special case of general punditivity

For the default locus, we can clearly see that there is a first order
correlation between surface waters and the Casamira effect. The
default locus threshold distance to the north is strongly tied to the
northern extent of the Great Brine Shrimp Lake. To the south, it
correlates with the southern terminus of the large freshwater lake
immediately to the west of the Shire of Arrows' Flight. To the east,
the default Casamira Effect correlates to the water course in the
canyon between the western border of Otherhill and Loch Salaan
proper. The smallest default threshold distance to the west
correlates to place where the Great Brine Shrimp Lake ends and the
desert begins along the Trade Road to Cynagua.

Our newest measurement of the default locus threshold distance, 37
leagues measured along the road between Gryphon's Lair and Twae
Linnes, correlates to where the marsh north of the Great Brine Shrimp
Lake ends and the southern foothills of the Barony of One Thousand
Eyes begin. Ergo, the default locus threshold distances for the
Casamira Effect satisfy the water-influence boundary conditions
swimmingly.

Our new observations of the Casamira Effect for when the punning
locus is in transit demonstrate that the water influence indeed
scales. The new working hypothesis also sinks the previous
hypothesis, i.e. that the Casamira Effect is influenced by the
proximity of foods prepared in a Medieval manner. There was always
something fishy about the Medieval Food hypothesis, which now turns
out to be a red herring.

Though we have made measurements of the Casamira Effect throughout
the kingdom, we only have room here to present one example. At
Uprising XX, we found that the Casamira Effect was stronger when it
was raining. We also observed that the threshold distances were
almost negligible to the north and south but were quite large 25
leagues west of Uprising, where the King's Highway is next to the
Serpent River, and 17 leagues east of Uprising along the Serpent
River on the road to Otherhill. More than anything else, the
shipwreck of the Medieval Food hypothesis is most obvious here since
the old theory would have rowed out much larger threshold distances
to the north and south where none were observed.

The influence of water on the Casamira Effect is inarguable. The
data speaks for itself. The water influence, however, doesn't
explain the occasionally-observed time decay of the Casamira Effect,
which can be up to 500 millifortnights. We believe this phenomenon
can be explained if the Casamira Effect is time dependent where the
relationship between puns and time can be expressed by a non-linear
differential punquation whose solution shows that puns occur as
discrete quanta - not be confused with the merchant organization that
ships goods and passengers between the West, Caid and Lochac.

When we study the Casamira Effect in a crowd chamber (e.g., in the
Grand Pavilion before court at Uprising), our observations suggest
that when a pun occurs, the Casamira Effect waveform collapses to a
punicle. Whether the Casamira Effect behaves like a waveform or a
punicle is dictated by the VonTuxenberg Uncertainty Principle, i.e.,
if you know the frequency of punning, you can not predict the
location of Baroness Casamira, but if you do know the location of
Baroness Casamira, then you can't predict the rate of punicle
emission or pun frequency. We have also observed that there appear
to be three different forms of punicles: snicker, snort and groan.
(We wish to point out that the groaning punicle should not be
confused with the particle known as the pineapple-upside down quirk
which was recently discovered in the Barony of Western Seas where
someone sitting on a pineapple was said to be on the dole...)

This is really exciting, cutting-edge research - but no matter how
you slice it, we will have to cut down on our research without your
generous contributions. Further Casamira Effect research will be
butchered without your help. This is why we ask you for your
largesse when we present this year's fund-raising puntathalon, hosted
by Hotmooch Braden.

At the risk of being blazon, we are well aware that current economic
conditions for pursuivants are especially severe this year. We
really don't want any members of the College of Arms to go out on a
limb for us - so with respect to donating, we will understand if
heralds cant.

Vat.

Submitted on June 17, AS XXXXI
by Therasia von Tux,
Doctor of Natural Philosophy
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