[Artemisia] Identifying/protecting our kids one way or another

Tue Apr 24 12:50:21 CDT 2007

I have two very active boys.  When they were younger I was always with them.  When they got a little older, we started using a nanny so I could attend classes and whatnot at events.  Even with the nanny, we made sure our boys knew where I, or my husband, would be.  Now they are 10 and 6.  They usually don't want to attend the organized children's activities at events, but would rather invent their own games to play, or relax in camp.  They have a bunch of friends they hang out with.  (The phrase it gets easier when they get older is only partly true). To releave some of my anxiety of where they are and what they're doing we have come up with some ideas that have helped and may help you as well.

  First, I make sure to meet all of their friends they are running around with at that event.  Usually it's the same group of kids but sometimes there are new ones.  That way the other kids know who the 'mommy' is and I know who they're hanging out with.

  They have favors that they wear at all times.  They have my dolphin and my husbands oak leaf symbol on them as well as their names. 

  We go over the rules of the event as soon as camp is set up.  They have to repeat them back to us before they are allowed to go play.  Some events we attend every year and they can recite the rules before we even get there.  They are really good about telling their friends they can't do something because it's against a 'mommy rule'.

  At larger events, like Uprising, they usually have to stay with me or their nanny.  On the occassion they get to venture off with the pack of kids my two boys have to stay together.  Our oldest is given a walkie talkie so we can contact each other when we need to.  The last couple of years we have opted not to take them to Uprising, but to let them have a long weekend with grandma.  We won't take them to something like Estrella until they are much older.

  The new thing we are trying is still in the experiment phase.  I'll carry with me a certain favor and if for some reason I need someone to go get my boys and bring them to me, that person will have to give that favor to my boys or they will not go with that person.  Of course there are exceptions to this being that our boys know our close friends and are always allowed to go with those individuals.  

  These are just some ideas, but I totally agree that the first line of defense is the parent.  Do not assume that everyone else will watch your kid for you.  Take responsibility.

  Megen

Ysabel de Lille <ysabel_delille at yahoo.com> wrote:
  I have two kids...one VERY active almost 4-year old boy (as so many of you know...) and a very recently VERY mobile 1 year old girl. At every event where there is identification to be worn, I make sure they are wearing it...Katriel on her ankle, generally, and David on his belt, since he never takes that off. I'm planning on making heraldic clothes and identifiers for them, also, mostly just because I think it'll look pretty cool, and add to the atmosphere, and make them easier for ME to spot them as I'm chasing them down. ;)

Here's the thing though. I'm the one chasing them around. Or my husband is. Or we both are. And that's because we want to make sure they're ok. We're their parents, after all. I, too, though I was single at the time and without kids, remember those lovely days when kids ran rampant through camps and everyone smiled at them and dodged so we wouldn't be trampled. Sadly, things in our mundane world have changed significantly. We are not as innocent or naive as we used to be. Chivalry still stands in the SCA, thank the heavens, but there is also a darker side, as in every group, sadly.

The fact is, the only people who can truly make sure their kids are safe are the parents (or guardians!). We need to be vigilant. We need to take the time to make sure we know where are kids are, who they're with (if they're with friends, sitter, other family, boffer tourney...), and what they're doing. As quite a few of us with active toddlers know all too well, literally blink, and your kid's fallen down the stairs, run off into a nearby merchant's booth and hidden behind a table, or decided to play hide and seek underneath a full Elizabethan dress with the wearer of said dress still oblivious. (Yes, this has all happened at events with very watchful parents, and only one of these scenarios was my kid!). 

It's fantastic that SCA kids have tons of "uncles" and "aunts" and "cousins" to watch out for them. I'm a firm believer in the phrase "It takes a village to raise a child". HOWEVER...it takes a parent to make sure that the village is safe. :) To all those out there who say "What, you don't trust us to watch your kids?" I say "Thank you for watching them! I appreciate it! But the more eyes, the better." It is no slight on your watchful extra eyes, by any means, but kids being kids are very talented at getting themselves into interesting predicaments in a nanosecond.

Beyond just dangers that seem, at least to me, to rarely present themselves in the scope of the SCA, there are other things that kids get into that require a parent's (or guardian's) attention. My son still gets into trouble for whacking people with his boffer who aren't similarly armed, and doesn't understand when other kids don't want to play with him because he's not falling down 'dead' or putting his now 'hacked-off' arm behind his back. My daughter has a tendency to be a bit of a clepto when it comes to jewellry (no worries, she's still just 13 months!). It's necessary for me or my lord to be there to correct them and help them and explain to them that what they did wasn't right.

And hey, let's face it, accidents happen, too. Sometimes with help, and sometimes without. 

So by all means, henna tatoo your kids, put markers on them, make them wear glow-in-the-dark cotehardies (not really, please!!!) and decorate them stylishly with heraldry, but also be a nosy parent. Be aware of your kids, know what they're doing and where and with whom. Independence and freedom and helping them gain all that aside, our kids need to know there are boundaries, and that they must respect them, and that we love them enough to put those boundaries there for them.

YIS,
~*~Lady Ysabel la Serena de Lille~*~

Abeunt studia in mores
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