[Artemisia] Trial by Fire

[vindulfr at aol.com]

Well, even though I can't attend, I'd be happy to pass along my recipe for?Geatish?Roast Boar:

Step one: Be sure spear is sharp and crossbar is firmly attached. Wearing?armor is considered unsporting.

Step two: Walk into nearby woods, calling "Here piggy, piggy". Don't worry much about finding the pig. Odds are he'll find you.

Step three: Insert spear and hold on tight. Assuming you're still in one piece and the spear was properly inserted, field dress the pig after it finally stops trying to rip your lungs out. note to more civilized types: 'field dress' means removing the nasty, squishy?bits from the pig's insides, NOT putting a nice?doublet and?hose on it.

Step four: Transport dead pig to nearest fire and spit. At this point, most folks remove the hide, but given how tough some of those old boars are, the hide may end up being the tenderest part. At least sear the bristles off, as they tend to get stuck in your teeth. Insert spit by ( censored for fear of offending the gentler reader, but you can probably figure it out if you think about it a bit)

Step five: Have trusted retainers slowly turn spit while you have a bit of a nap. After all, you did the hard part by facing down a red-eyed, sharp-tusked, cloven-hooved homicidal maniac, and you deserve your rest. Have them wake you?after a sharp skewer thrust into the pig stops bleeding, and before the whole thing turns black all the way through.

Step six: Remove spit and pig combination from fire, and use a sturdy, sharp knife to cut off your portion. A good axe may be required to start the cut. Add salt, and any local edible herbs, such as wild onions, and wash down your feast with cheap mead. The more mead you use, the better the pig will taste.

Documentation: This recipe was personally discovered by the author at Egil's Tourney in AS XXIII as a runic inscription carved into an ancient styrofoam cooler behind the tavern.

Notice: the author takes no responsibility for bodily harm or death resulting from anyone trying this recipe.

Bon appetite'

Baron Haakon Haukarson

Who has serious respect for a good camp cook. Some of them are true miracle workers.

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