[Artemisia] Mushrooms and smurfs aka a break from political correctness discussions

[vindulfr at aol.com]

Dear, dear, Tangl ... using a hammer on me is fine ... just don't grab a mace. (It's a long, old story, but suffice it to say I have a deep and abiding hatred of maces. It was a well known quirk of mine that facing an opponent with a mace was the only sure way to get me to stop goofing around on the tourney field, and fight my best. I also tended to hit really hard in that case. In fact, in single combat, if my opponent carried the 'M-word', I eventually came to respectfully ask them to change weapons, and was even known to yield the fight before before it began because I worried about losing control and injuring my playmate. I REALLY hate maces.)

As to being a mushroom, well, one of the articles of my mercenary company was: 

"Ok, you silly gits, two words: plausible deniability." In other words, if you're going to do something stupid, make darn sure the Old Man has no way of knowing about it in advance. This usually brought the reply from someone "Yes, Your Excellency. Just remember, we may be silly gits, but we're YOUR silly gits." This was apparently supposed to comfort me, or something, and usually led to me burying my face in my hands, and speculating on what crimes I had committed in a past life to deserve this bunch.

I kid about my troops a lot, but the reality was they were a great bunch both on and off the field. "We may be scum, but we're the kind of scum that you make pennicillin with." Another in-camp joke was that our unofficial company badge was the Goutte de Sang (the kingdom service award), for all the members of that order we had in our numbers. One of my regrets about leaving AnTir was leaving my 'kids' behind.

As to the semi-mythical "Stomper Smurfsbane", well, that's a tale best told late at night around a fire somewhere. Although, Malkin's mention of that name brought back a certain memory, and the following piece of advice: If you're going to hit someone in the face with a pie, DON'T use coconut cream. The little bits of shaved coconut get up your nose and they're blasted hard to get out of your hair and beard. (It took me three showers)

Baron Haakon Haukarson
Chest deep in unmowed grass and fond memories


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