[Artemisia] Re: Artemisia Digest, Vol 37, Issue 34

[marmaeve]

Greetings,

I hope that this response doesn't come across as unkind to the gentle 
'Michael' who indeed raised some important points, but I have to take 
exception to one thing he said for clarity's sake, if for no other reason.

I'm not sure that characterizing the No response as "Excuses" is going 
to help matters. While I agree that many gentles might have "excuses" 
not to be paying members, there are many who have reasons above and 
beyond a failure to provide a 'certificate'. If one is serious about 
finding the reasons why people do not pay for an annual membership or 
why so many wander in and out, perhaps reviewing the attitudes expressed 
to them and about them might be of assistance.

It is only chivalrous to consider that the individual who does not pay 
may have a particular issue, grievance, or need that is not being 
addressed and that such is worthy of that person's feelings. It is fully 
inconsiderate to assume that people don't pay because someone in some 
long age ago forgot to honor them, but it is unfortunately common. It's 
not always about recognition, more often it's about Assumptions.

An example of  such assumptions caused a great deal of strife among my 
friends in the SCA. One gentle had researched a period activity to the 
level of Ph.D. thesis and was excited to share his learning. An officer 
of the local group informed him, publically and rather tactlessly, that 
that art wasn't permitted. The conversation could have been handled in a 
much kinder fashion. The gentle assumed that the reason he wasn't being 
allowed to 'do his art' was because of the officer or perhaps the Nobles 
to which the officer reported. He became a negative commentator, 
advising people that they weren't welcome to add any new arts and 
sciences as the officer told him that it 'wasn't acceptable'. The 
officer in turn took offense assuming that it was a personal issue and 
not really realated to the prior problem and she complained constantly 
about the situation preventing any advancement or recognition for him, 
and eventually for her as well as making many people uncomfortable about 
the SCA in general, much less joining it.

The problem was that both made assumptions. He assumed that it was 
personal and that it was just another 'sign' that the arts were not 
being supported and she assumed that he was just being obnoxious and 
that she didn't need to listen to his needs because all that he was 
going to do was argue.

He advised all of the members of his family not to join the SCA, just 
play when they felt like it, he advised his friends and they advised 
their friends until it came back to me from a MUNDANE source that the 
SCA didn't welcome period arts.

The sad fact of the matter was that the Noble in charge would have loved 
the lecture and demonstration but the thing had to be stopped as the 
site-owner, a mundane had specifically banned demonstrations from the 
event. The officer was just doing what was required to keep the mundane 
site-owner happy, but she'd put it across as a personal attack and it 
was responded to. Now the end result was a group of very unhappy people, 
a decrease in chivalry and in population, and a bad Mundane rep for the 
group.

As a result his local group lost several full paid memberships and 
family memberships, not to mention losses to TI and the kingdom newsletter.

Everyone lost out. It wasn't recognition of the Art but the assumptions 
people made about a specific incident which became re-enforced each time 
someone spoke about the occurance.

Again, everyone lost out.

Not very long ago a situation came up for me directly. I had planned on 
honoring an important visitor and his lady to our area. Something very 
unique and extremely period was planned with many members of my 
household and mundane family offering to pitch in to do this special 
thing. We had the misfortune to run into the lady in a mundane store 
before the event and my friend mentioned what we were going to do, 
asking me to explain it in detail. The great lady of very noble rank 
made a thoughtless comment about how worthless and distasteful that she 
found the idea.

My friend was very insulted by how she spoke to me far more than by what 
she said. This had been important to our household and there was some 
very bad feeling. I understood where she was coming from and If I had 
previously known that she didn't like such things, we would have 
organized something else. But there was a lack of graciousness there 
that was unexpected. Members of the household spoke quite heatedly about 
leaving the SCA and that if they stopped paying memberships that maybe 
someone would 'reign in the obnoxious behavior of the brass hats'. For 
some folk it still stings.

Again, assumptions made, everybody lost out.

We don't seem to speak to each other with consideration of what the 
other person might see in our behaivor. Many people have left the SCA 
and done it damage by spreading the stories of their honestly painful 
encounters with (Noble, Laurel, populous, guy in armor, fill in your own 
blank here)

The issue that comes up in discussion is "Why pay to be insulted and not 
permitted to play as he/she/they feel the game should be played?"

Lack of recognition is one serious issue and can only be truly addressed 
by those with the power to recognize, but lack of respect is another and 
is everyone's problem..

Sometimes one has to accept well-meant situations that don't please one 
in the spirit they were given, like the time I was given a bottle of  
mead by an aquaintace who was a brewer and I don't drink ever. He didn't 
know me well enough to know that I didn't drink but he was honoring a 
kindness I had done for his lady. It was well meant and I hoped that I 
was kind in my acceptance, I passed the mead on but the kind intention 
was what I remember and cherish.

It's something I learned from a different Great Lady who despised the 
sound of Bagpipes but kindly sat and waited until the piper who was 
performing at the Noble's request had finished. She made no complaint 
even though her tent was next to that Noble's and she was preforce an 
unwilling audience. I asked her later why she'd listened when she didn't 
like the pipes. She told me that the music was the piper's gift to the 
Noble in question and while she wouldn't like such a gift she didn't 
want to taint the generously given one with her disapproval. That was 
true Chivalry to me.

Recently the local website removed all non-reporting guilds from the 
webpage. I only found out when we pulled up the page to check a spelling 
error. We hadn't been reporting because our emails were bouncing. We 
weren't particularly concerned about it because there was a change going 
on in the ruling Nobles, and since I was ill we just stood by and waited 
to hear who the new Nobles were. Assumption on our part. No one in our 
group was concerned about the non-reporting until the guild was missing 
from the webpage. An email was sent to the web minister who referred it 
to another officer who got back to us about it. They'd assumed that all 
the non-reporting guilds were no longer in existance. No attempt seemed 
to have been made to determine if that was the case or if there was an 
unknown problem. It's very laudable to keep a website free of old 
information but it could have been perceived in a very different way and 
led to yet another round of  "we're not welcome so why should we pay?"

Each incident could have been met with the 'they don't want me, don't 
welcome me, did this to me' and as a result the SCA could have lost 
people. Assumptions could have been made like in the case of the first 
examples. Luckily they weren't but it highlights a major problem. To 
Assume makes an ass out of u and me.

Thinking that people are not paying for membership because of excuses 
assumes a lot of things. Maybe some can't afford it, maybe some feel 
slighted, maybe some have legitimate concerns, but one isn't going to 
find this out by doing a survey like this. The people with the issues do 
not often respond to such things. It's often a small percentage that 
actually respond. If this is enough of a problem SCA wide that it's been 
requested out of BoD, perhaps it would be worth the while of local group 
officers to go through all the available directories and Troll forms and 
contact each person who has been a member of their local group and find 
out what they have to say. Directly and with consideration, not just 
making assumptions.

 It would be a whole lot of work, but It could be a real eye opener and 
perhaps a saving grace.



In loving service and with respect,

Maeve Mac
marmaeve at aros.net