[Artemisia] [Aerie] the ongoing topic of conversation (attemt #1943)

[Iohne_MacDhaibhidh]

Unto the good gentles of the List,
 
I have silently watched the posts of late to the Aerie and struggled 
with myself. Part of me felt compelled to respond, but my careful 
nature lead me to not want to respond out of haste. After a bit of 
thought, this then is my response. Allow me to apologize in advance 
for it's length.
 
I have seen a number of postings of disgruntled individuals and the 
responses of those diametrically opposed to their points of view and 
a developing polarization to either side of the issue. While I would 
not presume to force my opinions upon others, I thought that I would 
share a few of my conclusions none the less, with the hope that 
perhaps some would find some morsel of truth in my words.
 
Firstly, allow me to admit that I too suffered a test of faith when I 
moved to this kingdom. The exact circumstances of that situation are 
irrelevant as that now is water under the bridge. 
 
When I felt I had been wronged, my first knee-jerk reaction was to 
point my finger accusingly about me in wild gesticulations crying 
foul. That is after all only human nature and no one could be faulted 
for reacting according to instinct, at least at first.
 
After further thought however I came to what I thought was one 
undeniable truth. You can not demand that someone else be more 
chivalrous. It simply does not work. The end effect of that action is 
an escalating downward spiral where accusatory fingers are pointed 
and harsh words are cast in all directions and no one receives the 
recompense that they desire.
 
After coming to this epiphany I was left asking myself "Now what am I 
supposed to do?" How are those who feel wronged by what they perceive 
as a lack of chivalry on the part of others to seek redress? (This is 
where I feel my thoughts are analogous to the current situation 
occurring on the Aerie, as both camps around the issue clearly feel 
wronged.)
 
It was then that an oft repeated mantra of self-help books and other 
such sources came to mind. "The only person you can change is 
yourself". The truth of this statement seemed to ring true. If I 
wanted to see more chivalry, then clearly where I needed to start was 
with myself. Chivalry it seems, is best propagated by being 
chivalrous. It is a lesson that can only be taught by example.
 
So I figured, what do I have to loose? Starting about two years ago, 
I took this new realization out for a test drive. At first I didn't 
even notice it, but as I concentrated on improving my personal 
chivalry and honor, others began to treat me differently and slowly 
my enjoyment of this game we play began to return and be enhanced. 
Now, I can say unabashedly, that I am having the best time I've ever 
had in the SCA.
 
I have a few other points that I would like to add as I feel they may 
be pertinent.
People often have varying points of view. If you ask two witnesses of 
an accident what they saw, their stories will wildly differ every 
single time. The truth of what happened usually lies somewhere in 
between. Try to understand each other's points of view. Clearly 
something occurred and the honest appraisal of the situation would 
have to lead one to the conclusion that the truth lies somewhere in 
the middle; by application of Occam's Razor.
 
I believe that anyone who is drawn to the SCA winds up here because 
deep in their hearts they harbour a desire to emulate the virtues 
that we describe as chivalry and honor. One of the tenets of chivalry 
is largesse (generosity). When interacting with others I try always 
to be generous in my estimation of the other person and apply the 
assertion that I put forward in the beginning of this paragraph. I 
don't know very many people who make a reasoned choice to do things 
that they know are wrong, as people are mostly compelled by a desire 
to do what they believe is right according to their point of view of 
the situation. When viewed in that light, other people's actions are 
easier to understand and it becomes much harder to assign nefarious 
intent.
 
Anyone who claims they are perfectly chivalrous is deluding 
themselves. Chivalry is not a destination. Neither is it a label that 
one wears on their lapel. It is a long standing desire and struggle 
to combat one's baser instincts. We are all just fallible human 
beings aspiring to a higher ideal. That does not mean that we are 
perfect. That means that we are trying to become closer to perfect. 
We will screw up along our journey that fact is a given. The truly 
chivalrous will generously admit their faults and seek to redress the 
wrongs their fallibility has brought about.
 
I remain as always in service to the ideal,
 
Lord Iohne MacDhaibhidh
Founder of la Maison du Sainte Elize
Diligent and proud member of the SCA and the Kingdom of Artemisia



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